You might want to skip this post if you know me personally and don’t want to read stuff that’ll make you feel awkward. I’m cool with it either way, but consider yourself warned. I try not to think too much about who might secretly read my blog (i.e. without telling me). Maybe it’s better this way.
A quick aside: as an unintended consequence of using the word “Mature” as opposed to “Adult” in my Mature Content advisory, search engines mistakenly think that this is THE place to be getting your x-rated material featuring older Asian men and women. For the search engines that don’t encrypt search queries, I end up with a list of searches that brought someone to my site.
They look something like this… “Older Asian Mature Big Man” or “Mature Asian Americans Sexy”. I wonder how long they stick around if at all. The analytics software WordPress uses doesn’t drill down that far. No pun intended. I just thought I’d tell you since it makes me chuckle nearly every time I check blog stats.
(This is written from a straight guy’s point of view, but you can swap around some pronouns and it would probably work for women too. Explicit language ahead…)
How to Be THAT Lover…
The wild one… The crazy one… The kinky one who taught her ________ about herself… The one who makes her sigh anytime she thinks of you for the rest of her life.
In the process, it’s likely you’ll get to actualize your own sexual desires including the dark and/or embarrassing ones. It comes down to two rules. They’re easy to remember, but this path is not for the faint of heart. You may find yourself in situations that you never expected. Well, you most certainly will. I live by these two rules, and I’ll tell you what… I’ve had an interesting and fulfilling sex life.
Rule #1. Be Enthusiastic, Never Negative
This should be a general bedroom demeanor rule whether you intend on this path or not. Being a positive person is so critical to the whole endeavor because it creates a comfort zone, a place where your partner doesn’t feel threatened or vulnerable. It encourages exploration, boundary pushing. It provides her with feedback about her own sexual self.
Don’t just act enthusiastically – be enthusiastic. Acknowledge and compliment the things you enjoy about her body. Focus on her and on every little thing you can do to get her to cum harder. If you’re going down on her and she’s not convinced there’s no other place you’d rather be, you’re not there yet.
Be enthusiastic about yourself too. Sex is not the time to feel insecure – think about it… You’ve already got the girl. Don’t ruin a good time by thinking self doubting thoughts if you can help it.
Guys… this means no silent sex. The Girl Council called with a message for all men… “Fucking moan already!” Silent sex is kind of an insult if you think about it. What would you think if your partner was utterly silent the whole time you were working your dick magic? You get the point.
Rule #2: Say “Yes,” to EVERYTHING
If it’s legal and doesn’t hurt/exploit anyone, your answer is always YES (see rule one).
This is key. It’s challenging but rewarding. When you show reluctance, start saying no, finding reasons, showing displeasure or disgust… part of her will take this as casting judgment, and that’s going to cause a wall to go up. When you keep saying “yes,” she finds acceptance, validation, and she’s going to be brave enough to ask for more. And unless you’re fucking the girl version of Scrooge McDuck, I’ve found reciprocation is in the cards for the guy.
You can probably already see how these two rules set the stage, making it easy for her to tell you what lies in the dark corners of her own mind. And those corners are hot. The percentage of times you’ll find yourself doing genuinely fringe stuff is fairly small. Sure, I might have tried some things I didn’t like so much, but it helps to think about it like this:
You dine at the buffet of life one time only… are you really going to eat only mashed potatoes the whole time?
Afterthought: 3 things I wish I knew when I was younger
- Read a lot of reviews before you buy sex products (toys, novelties).
- When you’re fucking from behind, be a gentleman and subtlety let out that air building up… on the backstroke, aim your hips slightly to the side so that the head is against one side and the base is against the other. Then slowly pull back. You’ll get better at it with practice.
- Don’t skimp on lube quality. Lube should come in a pump bottle. I am a huge fan of Liquid Silk. It’s water based, doesn’t dry with a film or tacky (it can double as a lotion!) and it’s biostatic. That is, tiny organisms cannot swim through it.