BAP Blogger here on this fine weekend evening to introduce the second piece of writing by my guest GXL. I wanted to thank GXL for initially writing to me just to thank me personally. I wanted to know how to make the site better, and so we emailed a few times.
Eventually I sort of suggested he write some of his experiences, and perhaps I asked for something above his level of normal modesty, but he penned a few seriously self reflective posts. I appreciate his being open about his experience, because understanding is the first step in how we help the young Asian bros.
Was this the “exploitativeness”?! Online Personality Tests: My Index for Narcissistic Personality Disorder)
GXL gives proper respect with a shoutout to our friend over at West Dates East. http://westdateseast.com/author/autumn/
Body Language Part II (Find GXL’s First Post Here…)
My thoughts keep going back to that day. Her strawberry blonde hair was carefully done and she was dressed up for some reason. Anna walked past me with an inviting smirk, brushed her hair to the side, blushed, and looked away as if she was embarrassed to smile at me the way that she did.
I’m ashamed to say it, but I ended up not doing anything that day because I was afraid
Yep, I said it, I was afraid.
Was I was misinterpreting these signals?
Would it all go horribly wrong?
What would you have done?
Years later, after getting to know each other at work and harmlessly flirting with each other, I asked her out to dinner. I don’t think I would have had a chance if she didn’t have exposure to me at the office. Not only was she unfamiliar with people that looked like me, the little that she did know about my culture came from the media. There was a lot of noticeable skepticism and general disinterest until she found out that I was a fun loving, caring, and intelligent person.
I think I may have been her introduction to Asian men. At first she started out with the typical “What language do you speak besides English?” “What kind of traditions does your family have?” type of questions. She was very respectful when asking these introductory questions and asked them with the right spirit. It was funny because in an early attempt to connect and relate to me, she even enthusiastically said “GXL, I love sushi!”. Oh sweetie, I know you meant well, but sushi is Japanese. ; ) Eventually she opened up and took the time to get to know me as a person and we got closer as time passed.
I was about to switch jobs so I wanted to give it a shot. She agreed to have dinner and was clearly excited. I noticed her constantly texting after I asked her out. I bet she was consulting her army of girlfriends about me. Am I right ladies? Haha I sure as hell consulted my close guy friends about her.
We left work at slightly different times to conceal our rendezvous and met up at a Japanese restaurant. Anna had a nice dress on that day and looked exceptional. Our waiter, an Asian gentleman himself, was in disbelief when I told him that we were together. He looked like he saw a unicorn, and quite frankly so did some of the other patrons in the restaurant. We had a nice conversation, made fun of people at work, and then I noticed that she became somber. Anna dropped the bomb on me.
She was moving to Seattle for a new job.
I was naturally upset the day that she left but my stoic upbringing kicked in and I didn’t show much emotion. In fact, I was so upset that I kept my distance and stuck out my hand for a professional hand shake to spite her. “Congratulations and good luck, I’m sure you’ll do well there.”
Anna was in disbelief that I was being so cold. She became indignant, gave me the stink eye, and rushed towards to embrace me. I wanted to push her away like a running back shaking off the league’s best defense, but we were both too overwhelmed with emotion to think straight. We had a moment together. Time stood still, I gently brushed my hand down her back, and softly told Anna that she should let me know when she is back in town. At that point I don’t think we cared that other people in the office could see.
It was very difficult to feign happiness for her and to come to terms with the fact that I threw this pitch too late. Call it a lesson learned, a catalyst for my personal growth, and an upgrade of my self-awareness.
Has all that time that I spent burying my head in between books numbed my senses?
I think the timing may have been wrong, but now I’ll never know. Was she the right girl at the wrong time? Like most Asian males, I was raised to do well in my career. There is no way I am going to get into a serious relationship without establishing myself. I would rather be lonely for the rest of my life then to not be able to take care of my woman and eventually my family.
My parents have an excuse for not being able to give me the best upbringing because they were the first generation, but I don’t think I get that pass. Now that I’m more settled in my career I think I’ll take the time to go beyond my comfort zone and to have more fun.
I guess you can say that Anna actually went out of her way to get to know me because I’m not a person that opens up very easily. I’m curious, where do you think the best place to meet women is and what helped fuel your biggest leap in personal development from a dating and relationships perspective?
I might go with Autumn Ashbough’s (love your blog btw) advice and take some sort of dance class. Maybe I’ll learn to pay attention to body language a little better too. : )