I Post My Fathers’ Day Piece Late to Respect Your Fathers’ Day Peace

7 thoughts on “I Post My Fathers’ Day Piece Late to Respect Your Fathers’ Day Peace”

  1. Wow. I think you’re pretty fucking awesome for saying and owning it like that.

    I hope you don’t mind me leaving a lengthy comment, offering my thoughts and feelings this the matter. If so, I apologize in advance.

    My sister and I have been going through something similar. We didn’t experience something as extreme as being hit with a baseball bat, basement captivity, and holding stress positions.. but it was bad enough that we ended up in foster care for several years.

    Anyhow, the main reason that I was prompted to comment is:

    1) To tell you that I have a whole lot of respect for you for being so honest on here and also for how well you’ve handled it and are handling it by living well and loving yourself too much to steep in hate or resentment.

    2) From my experience, some of the Asian men I’ve dated, as well as many Asian friends of mine, have never confronted or acknowledged their parent’s [especially the father’s] misgivings.
    Not that this is solely an “Asian” thing but it has often become a point of contention when the subject was delved into, in regard to comparing Asian vs Western attitudes towards acknowledging and confronting dysfunction and abuse within the family.
    My ex fiancee [Korean] would often shame and ridicule me and my sister when it came to us discussing our family’s faults and basically reprimanded me like a child, saying it was “uncouth to discuss one’s parents in such a manner. It’s such a vulgar ‘American’ trait [of mine]” even though his dad used to wail on him with a belt all throughout his teens, until he was 18.

    I still worry about being shamed by Asian lovers/boyfriends if they were to find out that I didn’t have some pristine childhood with exemplary parents. So I’ve constantly dodged the subject of my family with the men I’ve dated after the breakup with my ex fiancee 3 years ago.

    I was wondering… Did you ever have to deal with this kind of thing? I mean, with the shame and trying to hide or mask it? Being shamed by family or friends?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, there is another side of Fathers Day when one gets past the superficial, greeting card version of fatherhood. Some of us had hellish childhoods. Thankfully mine was less of a nightmare than depicted in this moving article. Yet, it took many years to come to a somewhat reasonable reconciliation. There are still some issues to resolve. I’m glad more people grew up in better circumstances.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed, and thanks for commenting and relating. I want to acknowledge your hell as significant… no better or worse than mine – for how can a child discern the degrees of hell? they were all wrongful situations.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. that last puzzle piece involved both compassion and self love… to permit my own freedom by breaking the chains of unfinished blood and to see that his destruction would be my own. That only made sense when I valued myself less.

      Autumn, thanks for asking.

      Liked by 1 person

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